Why extremely religious people piss me off.

Hey Strangekittens. Today i’m feeling ranty. Why? Because i’m sick of being talked down to by (extremist) religious people.

Don’t get me wrong, not all religious people are annoying. Just like how not all atheists are annoying. But as you may have noticed, the stupid ones of ANY sort of belief are the most loud, and proud about it.

This is not directed at anyone in particular, but I bet some people will take it personally anyway. For the purposes of clarity, I’ll be mostly referring to the Christian based religions. I honestly have not had a bad experience with a Muslim, Sikh, Buddhist…you get the point. I refer to ‘god’ as your general deity type creature.

1. OMG (pun intended), you talk about it all the freakin’ time. Bless this, Jesus that. Yes, we get it. Stop posting Bible verses on Facebook to prove you read it. No-one cares. I don’t think even your imaginary sky-friend does. Did you know that at least in the Christian Bible, It talks about not being showy about your beliefs?

Matthew 6:5-8 King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. 6  But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. 7  But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. 8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

Seems like it’s plainly obvious here. Synopsis: God hates evangelists and showoffs, but I repeat myself. If he’s everywhere, then why do you keep yelling out to him like he’s a lost dog? Then again, there’s an amazing amount of Christians that haven’t even read the Bible, and take what the clergy/church says as gospel (snicker).

2.  Stop trying to convert me. If you knock on my door, ring my buzzer, and want to talk religion at 8am, I may just murder you. Depending on my blood-caffeine content. Yes, I know your god told you too. I worship myself, and the voices say to murder you. In all seriousness, It’s kinda rude to rock up uninvited in the first place, and then you presume that your beliefs are better than mine, and it’s your duty to prove me wrong. Can I rock up at your house and try to convert you to Modern Satanism? Oh, of course not, you’d probably call the cops. Plus, Satanists don’t really preach, it’s an actual part of their thing to NOT be a dick about it.

3. I dislike that you justify horrible, horrible acts in the name of God, or whoever. Once you take personal responsibility out of the equation, people in a group can turn into some ridiculous monstrosities. You have a choice to not be a dick, but you chose not to. Most major things are pretty obvious: Don’t kill, steal, etc. Do you like being killed or stolen from? Of course not. Then why do you need the ever present threat of retribution over you immortal soul to have basic morals? I’ve been told that I cannot have morals without religion. If that was the case, babies and cats would be murderous pirates. (Actually, that might be funny.) Yarr, kitty be wanting yer treats!

..someone draw me a murderous cat pirate fighting a homicidal baby. The one that makes us laugh the hardest gets a free set of SK stickers! You will be credited and i’ll link back to your site.

Apparently i’m only being a nice person because of the influence of god. OR, you know, I like my freedom and not being in prison.

4. The fact that you constantly batter and abuse science as fake, yet take advantage of it, every single day of your life. Don’t even get me started on creationists.

If you are reading this on a computer or smartphone, you can thank a scientist for harnessing everything from electricity to metalwork.

If you haven’t had typhoid, rubella, or the bubonic plague, you can thank a scientist for studying germs.

If you drive to work, you can thank a scientist for mechanical and computer engineering.

Get the point? Honestly, the closest people to Biblical Christians are Amish people, and even they use some types of technology, if only up til the 1800s.

If you wanted to be totally devout, you’d go live in the wilderness on nuts and berries.

Oh, and people in the hospital that thank god instead of the doctor. Not like they worked hard or anything. It was Jeebus. Unless your doctor’s name is actually Jesus, then you’re not who I’m talking about.

5. Praying for everything you want, like it’s a wishlist. Because god is your personal genie. Prayer is basically a placebo effect. Just because an event coincided with when you prayed for it, doesn’t mean that a magical sky fairy altered time and space for you. Do you realise how selfish the whole practice is? Hey, magical sky fairy, change events for me, um, because i’m special. Just like everyone else, right?

I could pray that a glowing red squirrel will bring me cheese. This is a tiny, minute chance that someone has dyed a squirrel red, made it swallow a strong LED and trained it to deliver cheese to me. *waits*

Aww, no red glow squirrel. I’m kinda hungry, too.

I’m still sad about the squirrel. Will settle for a green raccoon, or a yellow dog that sounds like Bender. That’s all for now, I welcome comments below. And the inevitable flaming.

Just so you know, I will post the most hilarious contact form flaming I KNOW i’ll get, publicly. But those people aren’t reading this, they’re already writing me angry messages for my entertainment.

PS: I myself am an Atheist by loose definition. I believe in science. 

-Dannielle

#strangekittyca

PS: ‘Sup redditors. <3

 

 

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  • jeff

    I must say I support some of this but not all of the rant, first, the title “religious people” is a generalization, I believe you want “religious fanatics, extremist or just plain old religious dumbasses”. Sadly I feel if you go too far against religion you fall in the same category as the idiot knocking on your door at 8am. Looking down on someone for having belief in a “sky fairy” is no better than then them looking down on you for not believing in their sky fairy. I do agree I hate people who try too hard to show their religion. They need not keep it to themselves but there is no reason to post a bible quote all the time. I believe in both science and religion, and in disputes science wins, its track record is much better (flat earth my ass). Science tells us the universe is infinite, there for the possibility that there is an entity that has some if not many of the characteristics that we use to define a deity, is likely, though I doubt he’s vengeful, spiteful and a bigot. I believe God has a sense of humor, he would have to. By that same math though that means your bright red glowing cheese squirrel probably exists somewhere too, God willing (pun intended). Thanks for your rant I always enjoy a good religion rant; I must stop my rant now as it could go all day. In the end its fruitless to the existence of Jeebus or lack thereof, it does not help that the reality is there ARE idiots.

    Ooooo cheese, for me why thank you…

    • nionvox

      True, I did mean extremists. Most religious people are fine and dandy, and don’t bother me at all 🙂 I totally agree that you can go to far, and then you end up being an extremist yourself. In this respect, i’m probably not quite as angry as I sound, and this is meant to be half-serious, and half-satire. If more people took the logical route of giving credit where it’s deserved (Give unto Caesar what is his, for example in the Bible), the world would be a better place.

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  • Realist

    /) ‘.’ /) I feel you, bro. Feel you.

  • mizz

    Haha haha. Omg dude I love it. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you for this.